A Kitchen Discovery

We’re redoing our kitchen right now. I have a long post queued up for some time in the near future to go through some of the experience and show pictures. It’s been fun, but it’s also been interesting.

Last weekend we finally got to the point where we could take out our old lower cabinets and replace them with the new ones. The plan was to demolish on Saturday and install on Sunday. For the most part this went off without a hitch.

Demolition brought some interesting finds, however. Underneath each of the cabinets we found a couple of nice piles of mouse turds. I’m sure the mice all left when we moved in, though… Well, not so much. We didn’t find a live mouse, but we found two dead ones - and they’d been dead for awhile.

That wasn’t the most interesting thing we found, however. Our sink cabinet was a corner cabinet, which had a large area that was covered by the end of the cabinet that butted up against it. In that corner of the cabinet, there was a hole drilled, and some stuff was stuffed into the space between the two cabinets. I would imagine at one point in Colorado’s history this space was used to store illicit substances so people wouldn’t find them - now most of those are legal and acceptable. We found something perhaps more interesting, though.

Yes, we found what I’m pretty sure is a penis pump. Jenny didn’t know what it was, but when I explained what I thought it was for, she didn’t tell me to throw it away…

Fast forward to Monday morning. Our friend Micky from Wisconsin happened to be out on business and stayed the night with us. That morning, she, Jenny, Quinton, and I were gathered around the kitchen table eating our breakfast when she asked about the pump. Quin’s eyes perked up and asked what it was. I explained that it was a penis pump and that people used it to make their penis bigger. He got really interested and asked more probing questions, like how it worked, did it work, why would people use it. After I answered all of his questions he looked at me and said, “well, I want a bigger penis.”

It didn’t end there, either. Later that evening, after school, he was probing some more and even asked if he could try it out. It was at that point that I had to confiscate the device lest my have an accident with the vacuum cleaner. I’m hopeful he will leave it alone because I told him it was dangerous and that your penis could fall off if you used it incorrectly… You may argue that I am too honest at times, but I also know when a little white lie is in order.